Always
by yaoi obsessed fangirl of DOOM
Summary: ONESHOT. As Yuki looks back on his past, he realizes some things about the present. REPOST!


Hi ya! This is my first Gravitation fic, and I'm WAY excited. I hope you enjoy it! Oh yeah, this is from Yuki's POV. This is also one of those oh-so-horrible fics where Shu and Yuki don't end up together. -Cries- The bold parts are lyrics to the song "Always" by Saliva. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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**I hear... a voice say don't be so blind...**

**It's telling me all these things that you would probably hide.**

**Am I... Your one and only desire?**

**Am I the reason you breath, or am I the reason you cry?**

**Always... always... always... always... always... always.. always...**

**I just can't live without you**

He's crying again.

Why do I do this to him? Why do I let him cry? Why do I make him cry?

I don't like to let people get close to me.

He says he would die if I left him. But I can't stand it any more.

I don't want to be close to anyone anymore. I want to run away. I don't want to love.

I don't want... I can't... love...

**I love you, I hate you**

**I can't get around you.**

**I breath you, I taste you.**

**I can't live without you...**

**I just can't take anymore... **

**This life of solitude...**

**I guess that I'm out the door, and now I'm done with you**

I can't take it anymore. I'm drowning. Drowning.

I can't remember anymore. I can't remember why I love him.

When I look at him, all I see is Yuki. All I see is pain. Torture.

He looks up at me with such big, innocent eyes. And for a moment, I remember.

For once, I don't see Yuki. I see Shuichi.

But in a split second, he has changed. His eyes narrow and change color. His pink hair fades into a rich, chocolate brown. And his quivering lip changes into a heartless smirk. Yuki.

**I feel... like you don't want me around...**

**I guess I'll pack all my things, I guess I'll see you around. **

**It's all been bottled up until now... **

**As I walk out your door, all I hear is the sound...**

**Always... always... always... always... always... always... **

All I can think of is him.

His eyes flash before mine over and over, like a movie.

A horrible, awful movie of my life.

His smile. His voice. I trusted him so much. He was like my brother.

But does you brother sell you for a measly ten dollars?

I have to go away. Escape. I need to leave. And I am. Shuichi is calling my name. But I don't hear him. He's always calling for me. But I never hear him.

**I just can't live without you. **

**I love you, I hate you. **

**I can't live without you. **

**I just can't take anymore. This life of solitude. **

**I guess that I'm out the door...**

**And now I'm done with you...**

**I love you...**

I don't have any idea where I'm going. I just have to escape. My memories.

They haunt me. I want to get away from them.

But I never can. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm helpless against myself. I can't do it by myself.

But I don't want anyone to help me either.

I don't want to love Shuichi. But I know I do. I need to forget that. If I say it enough, maybe it'll be true.

I don't love him... I don't love him... I don't love him...

It didn't work.

**I hate you...**

**I can't live without you**

**I left my head around your heart. **

**Why would you tear my world apart? **

**Always... always... always... always... always...**

It's all repeating. Over and over. The gun. His smirk. The money. So cold. He was so cold. I am so cold.

**I see... the blood all over you hands.**

**Does it make you feel... more like a man?**

**Was it all... just part of your plan?**

**The pistol's shaking in my hands.**

**And all I hear is the sound...**

An echoing gunshot. Cool metal in my palm. The sickening smell of blood. The sickening sound of human skull shattering.

The feeling of shock. Of sickening satisfaction. Of knowing that I would never be the same again.

All is silent before clattering footsteps fill the room.

I look at my hands. There, in my small, pale hands, is the gun. What did I do?

**I love you, I hate you.**

**I can't get around you. **

**I breath you, I taste you.**

**I can't live without you. **

**I just can't take anymore...**

**This life of solitude...**

**I guess that I'm out the door, and now I'm done with you.**

**I love you, I hate you. **

It's so many years later. I know Shuichi. Why did I meet him?Was it to make me suffer?

I'm plagued by thoughts of him now. His large, lavender eyes. His silly, pink hair.

That stupid, stupid smile. The way he'd hug me when I was sad. The way his lips felt on mine.

That expression he wore every time I told him something about my past. He was never, ever afraid. He looked thrilled. That I had trusted him with something so huge.

He loved me. He really did. He really does. Not like anybody else I have ever known. He doesn't care about how I treat him. He's not in it for the money, or the fame. He just wants to me near me.

I can't ever forget that stupid, stupid smile.

**I can't live without you.**

**I love you, I hate you. **

**I can't live without you.**

**I just can't take anymore. **

**This life of solitude. **

**I pick myself off the floor, and now I'm done with you.**

**Always...**

**Always...**

**Always...**

I shake my head, and clear away my fantasy. There's no way I can ever be loved. No way I can ever love. Yuki took that away.

That bullet took more than a life that day. It took a soul. My soul. I'm an empty shell.

I'm not allowed to love Shuichi. I will never be able to love Shuichi.

And with a jolting pain in my heart, I realize something. My fantasy was nothing more than a nightmare.

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So, how was it? Be nice, this is my first Gravitation ficcie. R&R, PLEASE! I WANT FEEDBACK!


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